Life; and other such trivialities

Blogging is so inspiring. I mean, it's just so convenient for people like me who can't seem to interact with many people on a personal level, to just open up a browser window and start reading about a person's thoughts, even if they are random, incoherent and not very relevant. I just love discovering how different people think. It's always a good way to spend time (rather, waste it) thinking about what makes people who they are.. and what seems to be my favourite term of late "social conditioning", no siriusly, (see, what I just did there?) , everything can be explained in part by it. And I mean everything.

I like coming up with theories. Which make sense only to me and which inevitably result in at least a couple of people attacking me saying "whattheheck", but it pleases me, so yeah, whattheheck.

Now the theory that I would like to talk about is actually based on a short story that I'd read in 9th class as part of my Telugu curriculum. If my teacher knew I paid so much attention to Telugu that I actually drew my life's philosophy from it, she'd faint.

The theory/philosophy/crapthatfloatsmyboat is somewhat like this:

If you ever want something, DON'T! If you do, being the shitty world that it is, there are high chances that you never get it and you'll just end up being desolated. The tricky part is that you should try to work towards achieving it, but convince yourself that you don't really need it. Now that I've written this, it sounds ridiculous, but I find that ridiculosity is not something to be ridiculed. Ah, what can I say? I live in my delusions.

A friend sighed and told me that someday she hopes I'll "grow up." What is this "growing up" anyway? Knowing that things are screwed up and people are not perfect and that the world doesn't make sense? I knew that long ago, even before I needed to, thanks to a wunnerful cousin of mine (hint hint it's you), but I don't regret it, not one bit. It's made me who I am and if I hadn't lived vicariously through her experiences I would have turned out very differently. I've been told (and I like to think too) that I'm mature, think sensibly et. al, so it can't be that I'm immature and irresponsible. So, please, can someone explain? What is this growing up business about, anyway?

I think I'm in a new phase now. Hence, I'm very disoriented and can't decide on the music that I want to listen to now, or the books that I want to read, or the movies that I want to watch. Of course, there are the constant favourites but usually, at any given time, I'm listening to a particular type of music, and I'm just... not now. It's weird.

Also, I'm the president of the Oratory club at college now. I feel like I've been failing miserably in my presidential duties. When I stood for election I wrote a long speech and I was fired up and I had goals and ideals and ideas on how to do this and that, but now it seems like I've just lost them all. Sometimes, I think I made a huge mistake in running for president in the first place. I want to discuss the club a bit more, perhaps in a later post, because it always intrigued me. And maybe you lot, could give me some pointers no?

I want a fresh start somewhere. I'm tired of people judging me by the way I look/ed, behave/d, talk/didn't talk. I'm tired of judging my self by the way people judge me too. I just want a break.

I don't know if I made any sense. If I didn't, sorry for wasting your time. I feel like I violate every one of blogadda's "blog tips" every time I write a post.
Post regular content. #donot
Write neatly sensibly and coherently #donot
Write about a particular topic and style so that readers know what to expect #donot
And the list goes on.

Wow. You might be wondering what inspired me to write B.S. again.. 3-1 internals from tomorrow. Didn't start prep. :)

Wish me luck!


3 comments:

Mark said...

Well you went off on some tangents but I did like your theory. It made me smile a bit. Life does seem to work that way really. So don't worry too much about growing up. Growing up is no good. You don't have to. It makes life boring.

Rachana said...

I get where you are coming from. We've just lost ourselves somewhere on the way. But we'll get it back. I hope. *sighs*

Meghana said...

"If you ever want something, DON'T! If you do, being the shitty world that it is, there are high chances that you never get it and you'll just end up being desolated. The tricky part is that you should try to work towards achieving it, but convince yourself that you don't really need it."

Note to self: Must start reading Telugu poetry/prose.

P.S.- I'm Facebook-statusing that quote :D

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