Songs Of My Life

Rumi. That's what I'll call him, because that's what he called himself, even though his name was Ramanath. He was like one of those songs that could make you ecstatic when you hear them once, or sob with grief another time that you heard them, and you didn't know why. He was like one of those songs that defined every waking second you spent. The song that you listened to so many times that there isn't one particular memory associated with it, but all the memories of every single time that you listened to it - the joys, the pains, the frustrations and the hopes - all tied to that particular melody.

Times change. People change. Songs don't. And in the flux that my life was, Rumi became one of those songs that meant the world to you once, but didn't anymore.

And now there's Neel. He's like one of those songs that you never thought you'd like, but somehow, you do. You don't think it's the best song- it defies every item on your checklist of "What Makes A Great Song", but it still manages to sound pleasant, and surprise you once in a while, even when you thought you knew all there was to it. I guess there's nothing more to ask for, really.

On YA and Love and Death.

I love YA novels. There. I'm not ashamed to admit it (anymore). We live some of the best, or at any rate, the most vividly remembered and transitory times during our youth. Because that is when anything is possible, you know? You're young, you know things, you're wary but not as much when you become slightly older and you know that life disappoints and people go away. And in YA lit, you go through your youth and come to the same realization but in a way that would make you think that there's hope, that you can pick yourself up and dust off the bad things and start-over. That's one of the reasons I love these books. That shining ray of light at the end of the tunnel. I also think that that's one phase that everything you go through seems much more magnified, more real. Maybe we learn to dumb down our reactions to things as time passes by, or maybe we become indifferent, but that keen awareness is lost. 

--spoilers ahead

So I spent the last 24 hours absorbed in a YA dystopian series, Divergent. I don't really know why I started reading this one. I had a vague idea idea it existed, no clue about the plot and I just got the books and began reading them yesterday. Maybe it had something to do with my impending exams, but nah. Anyway, so Divergent (which is the name of the series and also of the first book), starts off in a great way. It builds the characters, and the settings really well, and as is common for a dystopian novel - there is suspense, and it's well done. I haven't read the Hunger Games, but I've heard that this is a direct inspiration from that series. It's set in a distant future in Chicago, where society as a whole functions with all the members divided into factions based on their behaviour - Abnegation, Candor, Erudite and Dauntless. Each member is initiated into a faction based on an aptitude when they turn 16. The main protagonist of this series, Tris Prior, receives a mixed result (Divergent), and there starts her journey. The series deals with the journey of the Divergents and the back story of how the factions came to be. 

What drew to me the book however was the romance between Tris and one of her leaders at Dauntless, (the faction she chooses to go to) Four. (Yeah, I just admitted that I like love stories.) There is enough going in the books that it is not only about Tris and Four, but there is enough going on that it is importantly about them too. That's the right kind of balance for me, and importantly Tris and Four, they just work. Maybe I'm just at a phase where I need something to work, to escape to, to believe in, but I really liked them. (If you didn't get that from my long ramble already). So, evidently, when Tris DIES, at the end of the third book, I'm just taken aback, slightly in shock, and at a loss to know what to think. I don't know how I became so emotionally invested in this character but I evidently did and it'll take me some time to recover from this. Which leads me to think how much harder it is to recover from the death of a person you knew in real life, and... I'd just rather not stroll down that road now.

Veronica Roth, why did you kill her?! 

"What happened?" they asked.

"He's a dog person and I'm a cat person." she said, with a haf-smile and a nonchalant shrug.

That was the end. 

In which this blog turns 4

It is a coincidence that I chose today of all days to come back to my blog. Because tomorrow is the day that this blog turns four. Four long years I've been venting out in this space, and when I look back at my blogging sojourn, I'm pleasantly surprised. I've written decent things in that "OHgodWai" style of mine that I used to have. I've made some wonderful friends through this blog, and I've discovered some amazing blogs. Looking back at some of my old posts I realize I've actually managed to make people stop to read my posts an even comment, and this serves as a great boost in my steadily drooping self-confidence. Looking at this blog I can also see how I've changed, in some ways. I think I've also written about this before. The words don't seem to flow out as they used to before, and the emotions seem much more . . . flat. Perhaps this is who I've become, the person with the business-like writing, without any flair.

I guess what I really wanted to say, was thank you. Thanks to each and every one who visited this blog, left a comment and thereby made my day. =)

P.S. On second thoughts, maybe I haven't lost that melodramatic thing yet, because, see, I've barely written a hundred posts over 4 years, and have less than 50 followers, and yet so much o.a.!

Comic Con Fun!

Colourful, crowded and CRAZY are the words that best sum up my experience at the Comic Con Express, Hyderabad. After multiple plans and fails, and giving up and the usual hoopla that is accompanied with any plan that I make to venture out of the vicinity of my house, I finally managed to get to Comic Con with a couple of friends and a cousin.

I was greeted with about 70 people queuing to get inside, and
“Hey! This is just like a cricket match!”
“What thee”
“Look! There’s Batman!”
“Whee this is going to fun”
were our immediate reactions. The line moved fast and we were inside in about 15 minutes, and whooa! the atmosphere inside was electric! The place was extremely crowded, people spilling from one end to the other, everywhere you looked! Almost everyone had their phones/cameras out and were clicking away! I spotted the various iconic characters making their way around, being stopped in between for photo requests! Wonder Woman, Lara Croft, Bane, Superman, Batman, Ironman, Hulk, Catwoman, and of course, lots and lots of The Joker’s! There were these people with gas masks and guns who looked really cool, but I’m not really sure what they were. They looked like those people from CounterStrike.

My over-enthusiastic cousin who purchased the shirt and proceeded to wear it right there. 

Then there were the stalls. Oh the merch! The merch! I’m sure everyone’s pockets had felt a deep pinch. I know mine did. I walked out with only about 100 rupees left. What surprised me was how much people were actually buying. The uber expensive toys and costumes and collectibles were also being bought by lots of people. I was a store which sold posters and tees, and there was a guy who’d bought about 12 posters, ran out money, and was going to come back the next day. “You should seriously get a credit card machine, everyone has it nowadays!” I heard him crib. There were tees for almost every fandom that exists and tees catering to the biryani loving Hyderabadi.

The stalls that I liked the most:

    • They are an online t-shirt store and what I liked best about them was the variety and quality in their designs. From unique comical concepts like “The Averagers” to creative, well thought out designs, they had a lot of variety to choose from.

    • Here was Aditya Chilumula, an 18 year old charcoal drawing specialist whose drawings were put up as exhibits and some of them were spectacular!
    • Well, they had Dexter, BBT AND Game of Thrones shirts!

      Here's the one I got:

  • Westland
    • They had Samit Basu’s Local Monsters and other graphic novels.
    • All those toys, costumes I was talking about earlier? These guys had them!

    • They had the most amazing cupcakes, they were custom made to suit the “comic” fan too!

    • They are a youth website focused on colleges and college events, and they had a contest going on for writers! Plus, they had these cool props that people could pose with and take pictures, which all of us proceeded to do.

While it was fun, I felt that the whole comic con experience can be stepped up for the next time. The space was too small for the number of people inside, and the workshops that were being conducted were just a few chairs around a stage amidst all the stalls. The workshops were one of the reasons I’d actually decided to go to the event, but once there, there was no way I could actually find a place to stand and listen and breathe air at the same time. It was that crowded around the stage. Plus, I think the focus could have been a bit more on the activities, the stalls could have very well been a part of any other convention, the fun things are what makes it Comic Con!

Note: This post has been submitted as an entry for a writing contest at Coolage.

Perspective & Kishi-ness

Being the only fat person in my circle where everyone is almost perfect looking (fair, thin, tall) hasn't been an easy thing for me to grow up with, live with or come to terms with. This discomfort has seeped into almost all parts of my social life, and I am awkward around people for the most part. This has also resulted in a drastic dampening of my dressing style. I'm a girl who would like to be wearing all black with a different colour nail polish on every nail. I'm a girl who would wear a different earring in each ear. Okay, to cut it short, I have always been inspired by Claudia Kishi of the BSC (, and that Claudia part of me is still there.. but  I just end up wearing dowdy clothes mostly, clothes that won't attract much attention, clothes that would make me just another brick in the wall.

 I was looking around the internet when I came across these blogs, "fat fashion blogs", where even size 16's maintain fashion blogs and get featured in magazines, and I was just in awe. There aren't too many Indians doing that, but still it was inspirational. While on one of those, I saw something that made me stop and reconsider. I read those lines but they didn't sink in until much later. It was something on the lines of how this lady always perceived herself to be a "thin one" in her head, and had this disconnect with her body, and that it was time to be taking charge of it.

How significant that was, I hadn't processed until much later, one day, when I took out my bike to the nearby grocer's. This was just after the announcement of the separate state of Telangana. There were a few people giving me strange looks, and a few more hostile, and a few more friendlier than normal. I didn't get it. I thought it was something about the way I looked or dressed that day, and I just went about my life. Later, when I took out my bike once again, I realized there was a "TG" painted on it in bright red. TG, standing for Telangana, which some angry protesters forcefully painted on the bike when my father was stuck in a traffic jam. We had never bothered to remove it. But there it was. Something that made people judge you a lot, something that you had sort of no control over. ( Some people don't want a separate T state, some do, and hence all the bias -- for those not in the loop)

This is what it's like being fat. You have no conscious feeling of it in your mind all the time. In your head your just.. there. Skin and bones. What people see you as, what you are externally, your physical image, that's something else entirely. I don't know if it's like this just for me, or everyone in general. But the disconnect exists. It needs to be rectified if I am to take steps towards a more healthy, positive self-image, and a more healthy body. I've been hearing incidents about people suffering from heart attacks at the ages of 22 and 23 and juvenile diabetes, and it's really scary.

However, I have realized that life is too short to waste on overthinking, and decided to channel my inner Claudia, and placed an order for Wedge Sneakers even though my mum insists they look like "worker boots". Oh well.


The Reluctant .COM

I, Sadhana C, am the of a .com, for my own blog. Although this seemed to be a rather good thing at the time that I bought it (for a 99p deal), now it just seems rather.. pretentious to me. I have nothing of substantive importance to say, what the heck am I doing with a website of my own? At the time, and I suppose even now, I feel that it is very important professionally, and sets one apart from many others who blog/write online. It's your own website you know? But having said that, it would only set one apart if it had things of importance. Or links to previously published work. Or any work of any sort. Right now all it has are a few half baked posts (okay, one that I'm rather proud of), and a bunch of tumblr posts which are just basically re-blogged.

There is still close to year left and I hope to make it worthy by then.

What do you think? Is having a .com to my name not justified?


Lessons in life

Always back up the data in your computer.

Always run a malware detection software, especially if you visit shady websites for that elusive episode of a tv show you were watching.

And when your virus filled malware ridden computer tells you that an attacker is trying to access your credit card details as you punch them in with gusto finally having decided on what to buy on flipkart, DONT PANIC.

Even if you do panic, do not delete about 50 gb of that movies and music collection you laboriously built up over 4 years in a minute.

Yup, you guessed it. I did all of those.

Serves me right for all those episodes of Game Of Thrones, Parenthood, Skins, and Girls I guess.

On that note, does anyone know where I can watch Skins season 6 (UK) online????

Blog a ton month!

Yes. I'm not kidding. Whatever form the post may be in, I solemnly declare that I will publish a post every day of the month for the month of June. Challenge accepted, you-know-who-you-are.

My first, post excuse the randomness, is um well, this?

There are some exciting stories, a sort of blast from the past per se, that I will be working on soon. I have also applied for an internship, and I hope that falls through.

Third year of engg finally ends! With just one more unexamy exam to go, I will be freeeee of college for an entire month during the course of which I hope to accomplish many many tasks!

I will end it on a cheery note!


Ghosts That We Knew

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
Just promise me we'll be alright

It feels strange to be typing here after so long. To write out a post that will be on my BLOG. I think somewhere down the line, I lost the interest to whine on a public platform. And those who read my blog would agree. Pretty much all I did was whine. Another friend says the blog became the friend, and my whines and outpours that generally went on here, were being lamented to said friend. But I miss writing. I missed the blog, and so here I am. A big shout-out to all the wonderful bloggers who I've been following who manage to keep theirs alive, and intriguing and write well thought out posts all the time. 

I'm at that point in life where I'm excited about the future. I thought I'd decided what to do once and for all, and then new, and more challenging and avenues that suited me opened up. The only and biggest challenge here, is how I go about ensuring I get an entry into the above avenue. 20 years old, and already I feel so world weary. I suppose I am one of those "old-souls" that you keep hearing about. 

I just finished reading The Shadow Lines by Amitav Ghosh. No book in recent memory captured my imagination so much. The writing, the characters, and the writing! It showed pure mastery of prose. It was highly evocative, and with such simple language too. I will go back to it many times. 

…that unthinkable, adult truth: that need is not transitive, that one may need without oneself being needed. 

You see, in our family we don't know whether we're coming or going - it's all my grandmother's fault. But, of course, the fault wasn't hers at all: it lay in language. Every language assumes a centrality, a fixed and settled point to go away from and come back to, and what my grandmother was looking for was a word for a journey which was not a coming or a going at all; a journey that was a search for precisely that fixed point which permits the proper use of verbs of movement.

Perhaps the real reason why I write, is that I am in the middle of my end semester exams. I have commemorated all except one set of sem exams on here, and this just felt like the right thing to do. Tomorrow, I will be tested about "Embedded and Real Time Systems", and right now, all I know of ERTS is  that well, "Everything that is not a desktop comptuer is an embedded system"

19:26 p.m. and I am not at all in the frame of mind to force my brain to absorb more material which is utterly useless. Every exam is turning out to be the same, and I am returning to my "I will be happy if I pass" phase and utterly ignoring the fact that hard work and dedication are necessary for studying.

Whoa. I am quite rusty at this. I thought that I would get better, but alas, it didn't happen. Not in this post, anyway.

While I am getting rustier, there are friends who are becoming brilliant. Check this freeverse poem out by an ex-blogger, and now journalist, and apparently a very good poet; Rachaita.


This dull heartache-
                  of which you’ll never know,
follows me around
                 wherever it is I go
the city wide; and I smile
                at an imagined sight
a whim, a fanciful dream
               awake, in broad daylight
I might have seen  you today
               that day, or the day before
these  little tricks my mind play
              keep leaving me baffled & sore
I don’t understand what makes it so difficult
              to let your memory go
when that is all that you are to me-
               A person I do not know. 

Can't you all identify with that? I can, so much. Read more of her work here:

This post has no head, no tail, no meaning, whatsoever. I am going back to my old ways, after all!

See you around folks! 

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