Perspective & Kishi-ness

Being the only fat person in my circle where everyone is almost perfect looking (fair, thin, tall) hasn't been an easy thing for me to grow up with, live with or come to terms with. This discomfort has seeped into almost all parts of my social life, and I am awkward around people for the most part. This has also resulted in a drastic dampening of my dressing style. I'm a girl who would like to be wearing all black with a different colour nail polish on every nail. I'm a girl who would wear a different earring in each ear. Okay, to cut it short, I have always been inspired by Claudia Kishi of the BSC (whatclaudiawore.blogspot.com), and that Claudia part of me is still there.. but  I just end up wearing dowdy clothes mostly, clothes that won't attract much attention, clothes that would make me just another brick in the wall.

 I was looking around the internet when I came across these blogs, "fat fashion blogs", where even size 16's maintain fashion blogs and get featured in magazines, and I was just in awe. There aren't too many Indians doing that, but still it was inspirational. While on one of those, I saw something that made me stop and reconsider. I read those lines but they didn't sink in until much later. It was something on the lines of how this lady always perceived herself to be a "thin one" in her head, and had this disconnect with her body, and that it was time to be taking charge of it.

How significant that was, I hadn't processed until much later, one day, when I took out my bike to the nearby grocer's. This was just after the announcement of the separate state of Telangana. There were a few people giving me strange looks, and a few more hostile, and a few more friendlier than normal. I didn't get it. I thought it was something about the way I looked or dressed that day, and I just went about my life. Later, when I took out my bike once again, I realized there was a "TG" painted on it in bright red. TG, standing for Telangana, which some angry protesters forcefully painted on the bike when my father was stuck in a traffic jam. We had never bothered to remove it. But there it was. Something that made people judge you a lot, something that you had sort of no control over. ( Some people don't want a separate T state, some do, and hence all the bias -- for those not in the loop)

This is what it's like being fat. You have no conscious feeling of it in your mind all the time. In your head your just.. there. Skin and bones. What people see you as, what you are externally, your physical image, that's something else entirely. I don't know if it's like this just for me, or everyone in general. But the disconnect exists. It needs to be rectified if I am to take steps towards a more healthy, positive self-image, and a more healthy body. I've been hearing incidents about people suffering from heart attacks at the ages of 22 and 23 and juvenile diabetes, and it's really scary.

However, I have realized that life is too short to waste on overthinking, and decided to channel my inner Claudia, and placed an order for Wedge Sneakers even though my mum insists they look like "worker boots". Oh well.

Kthanksbai.

The Reluctant .COM

I, Sadhana C, am the of a .com, for my own blog. Although this seemed to be a rather good thing at the time that I bought it (for a 99p deal), now it just seems rather.. pretentious to me. I have nothing of substantive importance to say, what the heck am I doing with a website of my own? At the time, and I suppose even now, I feel that it is very important professionally, and sets one apart from many others who blog/write online. It's your own website you know? But having said that, it would only set one apart if it had things of importance. Or links to previously published work. Or any work of any sort. Right now all it has are a few half baked posts (okay, one that I'm rather proud of), and a bunch of tumblr posts which are just basically re-blogged.

There is still close to year left and I hope to make it worthy by then.

What do you think? Is having a .com to my name not justified?

// sadhanac.com
 

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